We keep a list of all the adorable ways our three year old mispronounces words for posterity. It’s ok to be tired and not appreciate EVERY moment while still grieving the loss of who your kid once was and also welcome who they are becoming.
Thank you! I used to keep notes of things like that for my first kid and then eventually it just got to be too much to write stuff down, make photo books, etc... and then the poor second child got none of that 😂
I’m sobbing.😭 I’m a first time stay at home mom to my 10 month old son. This hurt my heart but in such a good way. Does that make sense? I think about this all the time and get shamed sometimes because they’re like just be in the moment and I AM!!! I was extremely emotional before becoming a mother so it’s been even more intense. It’s such a heartbreaking and beautiful thing. I feel like he’s already getting so independent (yes I know he’s just a baby hahaha) and it stings a little if it feels like he prefer someone else over me because I feel like as a boy mom me being his favorite won’t last long or maybe it’s all in my head and that’s my anxiety talking… I want him to stay little and grow up. Thank you for writing this and sharing a piece of your heart. It was so real and just what I needed to read during this season in my life. Sending you all the love!!! 🩵
Aw, yes, it totally makes sense! The pressure to "be in the moment" is also very unhelpful. Seriously! And I wouldn't worry too much about you not being his favorite. My boys are 5 and 8 and still will NOT leave me alone. 😂
I also get this nostalgia feeling even though I’m currently in the thick of it AND I take a million pictures. You explained it so well. I think of it as “anticipatory grief” it’s so weird but also I find feeling deeply like this does help us appreciate the now even if we think it’s taking us away from it. ❤️
You have expressed this bittersweet piece of motherhood so beautifully, Stephanie. I get it completely. I am now that woman with the teenage sons, and she's right. My heart squeezes when I see a baby, and it's not because I want another. I just miss mine. This is so close to a piece I wrote last year that I'd love to share it with you. No pressure at all, but if you do choose to read, you'll know you are definitely not alone.❤️https://open.substack.com/pub/mariahanley/p/the-best-years?r=1a7m7e&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Just read it and I loved it so much... thank you! I know so many of us feel this way, and I think for those of us who are the highly sensitive/deeply feeling type, it's extra intense. I really want to not feel so sad about it all the time and just be able to enjoy the journey as it comes. But oof, it hurts my heart so much. 🥺
Woof and 💕 this hit me in my feels today! I recently put our second kiddo, 17months, into daycare so I can build my business and MAN is it inviting in all the both/ ands of parenting. So happy to have more time for my adult brain while also stifling sobs after drop off because the 4 year old is in the back seat and I don’t want to upset her. So happy they have more independence and mourning the change too. Thanks for this 💜
What a terrific read and oh so true. We are at a similar stage to you (7 and 5) - some of those sleep-deprived baby/toddler days felt like they lasted 95 hours, but the years are just flying...
The other day our eldest asked me to "stand over there, please, Daddy" when he was with his mates and it was a dagger to the heart. Ha.
Ahhh my 8 year old has just started to hit that phase. Earlier this year, for the first time, he DIDN’T want me to volunteer on his school field trip. A few years ago, he refused to go without me. I know it’s ultimately a really positive and huge development for him, and it’s how it should be. But ouch, it hurts. 🥺
I'm just discovering this piece and I swear, you could change the byline to my name and it would mirror my thoughts perfectly.
I have nothing more to add, the other commenters capture my sentiments, but I find it very interesting that I appear to be the only father sharing this? Surely there are fathers who feel the same?
I certainly hope so! I think it speaks to broader societal norms where mothers are often the “default parent” and take on more of the mental load and caregiving responsibilities (not always of course, just statistically I mean). The parenting space online tends to be dominated by moms. I love seeing fathers write about parenting, it’s so refreshing, and I wish it didn’t seem so unusual. Hopefully more dads begin having these conversations. Thank you for commenting!
These are definitely the best days of your life. But also, kids who are 13 are hilarious and discovering their pre-adult selves are also the best days. This confusion and nostalgia means you're deeply connected to your kids and you're doing it right!
Felt this so deeply! I write about this a lot (just published a post about giving away my 5yo’s trucks 🥺 - and another one about *literally contemplating having a third child* so I could relive certain childhood memories!!! 😵💫). Thank you for sharing - excited to get your issues in my inbox! ✨
Can totally relate!!! I loved the title of the now-extinct podcast, The Longest Shortest Time. So apt. I have a 4 and 6 year old and I also feel all the things you describe - such bittersweetness. The absolute frustration with my 4-year-old as a stage-5 clinger, with the absolute heartbreak that this will not last forever. Thank you for sharing!
I miss that podcast! It felt like the OG parenting podcast before there were a gazillion. My 5 YO is a stage 5 clinger as well. Literally typing this in the dark while next to him because he still won’t fall asleep without me…ever. 🤪
I feel this push and pull all the time. My oldest is approaching middle school and it is so bittersweet and on the other end my younger kids are approaching elementary school. I feel pulled across the age spectrum, excited for my younger kids to enter into new experiences and also feeling sad about my older kids moving towards tweendom (this may be related to my own disdain for my early teen years).
Oh for sure, I'm SO scared of the teen years! And yet... amazing to see them turn into these real, mature little humans. My 8 year-old recently told me he's now a tween and I was like, sorry, but NO SIR, you are NOT. I'm not ready for the next phase at all.
I feel this so hard. Today I was looking at my 3 year olds legs and realizing the baby fat is almost all gone!! Although it’s getting (somewhat) “easier” to manage the kids- my breath stops when I think of something as the “last” time.
We keep a list of all the adorable ways our three year old mispronounces words for posterity. It’s ok to be tired and not appreciate EVERY moment while still grieving the loss of who your kid once was and also welcome who they are becoming.
This was beautiful ♥️
Thank you! I used to keep notes of things like that for my first kid and then eventually it just got to be too much to write stuff down, make photo books, etc... and then the poor second child got none of that 😂
My kids are 7 and 3. I feel like this a lot. Constantly in the thick of things, but sad that they are growing so fast!
It’s truly such an emotional rollercoaster.
I’m sobbing.😭 I’m a first time stay at home mom to my 10 month old son. This hurt my heart but in such a good way. Does that make sense? I think about this all the time and get shamed sometimes because they’re like just be in the moment and I AM!!! I was extremely emotional before becoming a mother so it’s been even more intense. It’s such a heartbreaking and beautiful thing. I feel like he’s already getting so independent (yes I know he’s just a baby hahaha) and it stings a little if it feels like he prefer someone else over me because I feel like as a boy mom me being his favorite won’t last long or maybe it’s all in my head and that’s my anxiety talking… I want him to stay little and grow up. Thank you for writing this and sharing a piece of your heart. It was so real and just what I needed to read during this season in my life. Sending you all the love!!! 🩵
Aw, yes, it totally makes sense! The pressure to "be in the moment" is also very unhelpful. Seriously! And I wouldn't worry too much about you not being his favorite. My boys are 5 and 8 and still will NOT leave me alone. 😂
My kid is 13 years-old and says I love you out of the blue to me multiple times a day... It's possible yours will, too!
I also get this nostalgia feeling even though I’m currently in the thick of it AND I take a million pictures. You explained it so well. I think of it as “anticipatory grief” it’s so weird but also I find feeling deeply like this does help us appreciate the now even if we think it’s taking us away from it. ❤️
The pictures are the worst, they torture me! We do this to ourselves. 🤪
Anticipatory grief is such a good name for this.
Yeeees! The exquisite contradictions of parenthood!!! Can we just freeze time? But also fast forward to when they're out of the house?? 😜🫠🥰
This is exactly it! I need a time machine where I can just bounce back and forth as needed. If only.
You have expressed this bittersweet piece of motherhood so beautifully, Stephanie. I get it completely. I am now that woman with the teenage sons, and she's right. My heart squeezes when I see a baby, and it's not because I want another. I just miss mine. This is so close to a piece I wrote last year that I'd love to share it with you. No pressure at all, but if you do choose to read, you'll know you are definitely not alone.❤️https://open.substack.com/pub/mariahanley/p/the-best-years?r=1a7m7e&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Just read it and I loved it so much... thank you! I know so many of us feel this way, and I think for those of us who are the highly sensitive/deeply feeling type, it's extra intense. I really want to not feel so sad about it all the time and just be able to enjoy the journey as it comes. But oof, it hurts my heart so much. 🥺
I’m so glad you had a moment to read it. So glad you enjoyed. I really do understand.❤️
Woof and 💕 this hit me in my feels today! I recently put our second kiddo, 17months, into daycare so I can build my business and MAN is it inviting in all the both/ ands of parenting. So happy to have more time for my adult brain while also stifling sobs after drop off because the 4 year old is in the back seat and I don’t want to upset her. So happy they have more independence and mourning the change too. Thanks for this 💜
Aww, the beginning of daycare is so hard! But also amazing! I find those transitions so difficult. I think it’s always harder on us than on them.
What a terrific read and oh so true. We are at a similar stage to you (7 and 5) - some of those sleep-deprived baby/toddler days felt like they lasted 95 hours, but the years are just flying...
The other day our eldest asked me to "stand over there, please, Daddy" when he was with his mates and it was a dagger to the heart. Ha.
Ahhh my 8 year old has just started to hit that phase. Earlier this year, for the first time, he DIDN’T want me to volunteer on his school field trip. A few years ago, he refused to go without me. I know it’s ultimately a really positive and huge development for him, and it’s how it should be. But ouch, it hurts. 🥺
I'm just discovering this piece and I swear, you could change the byline to my name and it would mirror my thoughts perfectly.
I have nothing more to add, the other commenters capture my sentiments, but I find it very interesting that I appear to be the only father sharing this? Surely there are fathers who feel the same?
I certainly hope so! I think it speaks to broader societal norms where mothers are often the “default parent” and take on more of the mental load and caregiving responsibilities (not always of course, just statistically I mean). The parenting space online tends to be dominated by moms. I love seeing fathers write about parenting, it’s so refreshing, and I wish it didn’t seem so unusual. Hopefully more dads begin having these conversations. Thank you for commenting!
These are definitely the best days of your life. But also, kids who are 13 are hilarious and discovering their pre-adult selves are also the best days. This confusion and nostalgia means you're deeply connected to your kids and you're doing it right!
Thank you for saying that! 🥰
Felt this so deeply! I write about this a lot (just published a post about giving away my 5yo’s trucks 🥺 - and another one about *literally contemplating having a third child* so I could relive certain childhood memories!!! 😵💫). Thank you for sharing - excited to get your issues in my inbox! ✨
Oof, I know, it’s so hard!
Can totally relate!!! I loved the title of the now-extinct podcast, The Longest Shortest Time. So apt. I have a 4 and 6 year old and I also feel all the things you describe - such bittersweetness. The absolute frustration with my 4-year-old as a stage-5 clinger, with the absolute heartbreak that this will not last forever. Thank you for sharing!
I miss that podcast! It felt like the OG parenting podcast before there were a gazillion. My 5 YO is a stage 5 clinger as well. Literally typing this in the dark while next to him because he still won’t fall asleep without me…ever. 🤪
I feel this push and pull all the time. My oldest is approaching middle school and it is so bittersweet and on the other end my younger kids are approaching elementary school. I feel pulled across the age spectrum, excited for my younger kids to enter into new experiences and also feeling sad about my older kids moving towards tweendom (this may be related to my own disdain for my early teen years).
Oh for sure, I'm SO scared of the teen years! And yet... amazing to see them turn into these real, mature little humans. My 8 year-old recently told me he's now a tween and I was like, sorry, but NO SIR, you are NOT. I'm not ready for the next phase at all.
I feel this so hard. Today I was looking at my 3 year olds legs and realizing the baby fat is almost all gone!! Although it’s getting (somewhat) “easier” to manage the kids- my breath stops when I think of something as the “last” time.
Nooo, the end of baby chubbiness is just the saddest! I love a squishy toddler.